English speakers , Please come in

Forgive me for not getting back

I am having a very dark time/period/day whatever you want to call it, and really just don't feel like talking..

Need to go out now... C u around

At a better time...

no , really it's ok miss. hope


and i'll c u around too


:)

...

when you get better en sha Allah

Good morning

when you get better en sha Allah

Heh...Alright... I feel my mind is floating in space now (spaced out) so,.... Feel like my head was put in a blinder.. Very confused like I didn't have enough confusion already in the first place.. Perhaps confusion isn't even the right word to describe my poor brain.. I don't know.. NOW Don't know what to think about anything.. Wish there was an off button for thinking!! Seriously.. Keep finding myself zoned out into deep thought either mostly trying to yet comprehend something or understand things...

Have a good day...

good morning miss. hope

may Allah makes your days filled with happy and joy


i really wish that i can help you with anything i can



i know what it feels like to be tired from thinking too much

smoetimes i feel that my brain is like 110v device plugged in 220v plug

No theres nothing... I'm over. doubt I will have anymore existence

Memories tons that feel like they aren't just memories but they all just happened on the top of the list is a violent sexual memory the happened through a friend of 9 yrs was more than a sister this wasn't too long ago... deceiving and strange how people change and can be so evil..

Cruel cold mean family (FATHER).. I would LOVE literally to live on the street instead of with them

HEALTH... they say my situation is actually really bad and something could happen but they wont hospitalize me and the medical system is trash..

I ate my first tiny mean very late last night otherwise the last time before that was on Friday!!! I'm very dehidrated but wont give me fluids in the blood even though I can barely even drink just barely sips of water... ZERO to barely any sleep over a month

High blood pressure reaching the highest according to my memory 177/110 and untreated and they refuse because according to my symptoms they think that there is something wrong with my kidneys which is core explanation for the BP and the stomach issues so if they treat the dehydration the blood preasure will go up than they think a complication will happen to my kidneys which they think has an issue but there not sure and they send me home as I am and l me to follow up in the outpatient and the outpatient oppointments are at least a month away.. The ER do nothing and if you push they fight and say go to the outpatient and they outpatient says wait at least a month to two months Ridiculous... Are they kidding me.. and the ER say is actually dangerous to have your fast big weight loss conteniuing with the symtoms your talking especially if it's long term so you seriously need to get the closest meeting with a doctor and the other say wait and you get angry and still get no where

not to mention your father getting in the way acting like he cares out of no where when he has been shouting at you over a month when ever you say u need to go to the doctor saying oh nothings wrong with you no living the house

so I thought maybe he is willing to change is he is believing that theres something... We go and he ends up fight shouting loud at me in public in the hospitail making people saying things like you are a mentally disturbed person... than walking away and from far in the hall way shouting when you get home I am taking your car keys away and will have another way with you

I've done nothing to deserve this... no treatment no nothing no freedon no sleep no rest no food no water no peace of house personal room or mind from anything

I broke down again yesterday in front of my mom hysterical ing and they issues with breathing like a panic attack losing my mind very stressed tired overwhelmed feeling sverly preasured

you know what she does!!!?? She says I need to leave I'm going to be late I have an oppiontment of dying my hair!!!!!!!!!!!1 go to get dressed and leaves you home alone

after about an hour you push yourself to go out to do things you father will kill you if u don''t cause he has been pushing and he cares about is a job.. so your alone when you shouldn't been driving tired and fuzzy thinking and you feel you are going to faint and you send a message to your mother ling her by the way I am feeling very sick nauseous and faint... She calls much later than before hearing what she have to say she saying oh I need to hang up busy with something getting her hair done!!!!

so I am home no fathers outside and will leave again before he comes and really does take my keys away... I will try with the hospital one more type...

Otherwise I think I hd enough and I don't see anything to be breathing for... extremely hurt FRUSTRATED angry pressured....the list can continue

Theres more than was mentioned too... Today is it I've been suffering for quit a while and today is the day where i just cannot handle it anymore

Don't know what to do extremely depressed losing my mind I'm in very bad mental state

miss. hope

may Allah helps you and make your life happy

Ameen



i want to say someyhing but i don't know much about you

? you finished college , right

why don't you find a job

if you have money you can think of something to do

maybe living alone

i don't want to say this , but i have a similar problem

i hate my father , and i'm waiting to graduate so that i can leave the house for good

and my psychological problems are because of him

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة ليش لا

miss. hope

may Allah helps you and make your life happy

Ameen



i want to say someyhing but i don't know much about you

? you finished college , right

why don't you find a job

I have a job.. It will start in September though not now, but in about two months. I was going to cancel it, but my therapist didn't agree and I thought well he probably not even probably but does know better... So I kept the job, even though I'm seriously worried how I will do in job in the state I'm in... Still keeping it though

if you have money you can think of something to do

maybe living alone

I have thought about that, and really want to do that.. your forgetting though that I'm a girl.. Unmarried girls in our society don't live alone.. Divorced yes there are.. Unmarried and young too ALONE!!?? I don't care about how rare it is, because you need to do what you think will make things better


The issue is what if my father gets angry, and reports to the police that I ran away.. I have no say in such a situation.. I doubt they would even return me back with my dad... From I have seen is they put girls in the psychiatric hospital... Then what do I do!!!?

I need to search about it.. I wonder if there is a certain age in the law where I can be allowed to live alone.. or anything in the law.. Doubt there is though..

I want to convince my father myself without resorting to the law.. I want him to think himself that me living alone is for the better of all of us, because I don't see how it's possible to live together in the same house... Were going to kill each other!! Maybe if he want make changes, but he doesn't want change, and he thinks he is the perfect father.. He is also very selfish.. He only thinks about himself and want would make him peaceful... Anyone else heh NOOOO... He thinks he has the right to act and treat people however which way he want, BUT everyone else must treat him like a king regardless of his words and actions

You can't show that your upset, irritated, angry,... etc You must think like him and agree with all his opinions OR ELSE.... ETC ETC ETC

WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!!!?? THE MASTER AND RULER OF MANKIND


i don't want to say this , but i have a similar problem

i hate my father , and i'm waiting to graduate so that i can leave the house for good

You are a male so you can do that. Hopefully you will have some peace of mind soon and can focus more on in what you want in life

and my psychological problems are because of him


I don't understand seriously how a parent can act like this in such a way, and coldly hurt their own son/daughter... I can never imagine myself doing that if I ever had a child of my own... It's mind puzzling, and I don't think I will ever understand HOW!! It's true sometimes peoples past makes cold harsh people, but I would think you wouldn't want your child to suffer like you... U know what it's not worth thinking about I'll shut up .. I'm a person will a big heart who can't understand how you can become so heartless...

Regardless of all the hurt he has and is causing, I still care, love, and worry about him.. I may say the word hate, but I don't know how to hate my heart easily becomes tender again and I give people excuses and chances ALL the time no matter what kind of treatment I got

I just prefer to think we are humans and we make mistakes.. I think nobody becomes the way they are out of the blue, there's a reason for how/why they became the way they are... We aren't born cruel and heartless... You never know how other peoples INNER worlds are like.., sometimes u can and sometimes u can't

Even if you did know their inner world if they don't want to change there's nothing you can do... It's harder if they're blind and really believe there's nothing wrong with them

We are a product of our experiences and how we wish to think.. How we deal with things too.. well which relates to thinking.. I think I repeated myself.. no I didn't repeat myself.. yeah I didn't... Whatever the point is clear and that's what counts


ME I am focusing on trying to rest, relax, and take of my health because finally I caught a good doctors attention and my situation as they say is critical.. so I have a lot of urgent test and she has been talking to departments to make space for me as an urgent case in order to get all the exams done as fast as possible... and what she is think is the issue is related to a hormon I know about from a past presentation I did in univ., but didn't it cross my mind.. It made perfect sense ad light bulb clicked in my mind... HIGH level of cortisol are dangerous in long terms will make your body it's own enemy lots of things... It leads in long terms to cushing's syndrom which has stages and the forth stage if you don't get quick and fast treatment you die.. I can't believe it

The things HIGH long term cortisol do leading to cushing's syndrom are not something that has put my mind at peace.. knowing that I just found out and had signs a long time ago because they a lot of symptoms and only a few of the all don't match and it is making perfect but scary sense.. and the doctor is scaring me more repeating the words critical and urgent and the look in her eyes... like what I'll die...

Even my sever moods depression issues thinking I was losing my mind wondering why all the knowledge I know to cope is getting me no where... it explains it all every over the top mental symptom and all the physical

The bad thing is it caused my long term constant mental stress... stopping stress heh.. I can only laugh, but it's not funny at all... By far it's not an easy nor moderate mission.. It's very challenging because of the way my life has become worsening...

I never thought a stress even it was long term,.. I never it can do so much bad leading to an actual critical physical situation

I don't want to believe it... thinking perhaps the doctors just paranoid... It can't be..

Ignore the mistakes.. Seem to always have to have some sort of mistake typing or talking verbally these days.. Frustrating

about my father , i DO hate him . and i hate him too much

and i said it to him a few years ago

? then he said : is there anyone who hates his father

then i said : YES there is , it's me


-------------------------------------------------------


i think that is a good thing for you

because knowing the issue is the first step in the way of improvement

you should follow the doctor's instructions carefully

and you will get better en sha Allah

? then he said : is there anyone who hates his father

then i said : YES there is , it's me

You seriously said that ((exactly))... !!!!!!!!!!

Strange Sultan

That exactly happened with my father and me word by word letter by letter... If I was to be really honest the feeling of hate overcomes any others... sometimes there are no feeling other than hate..

En sha allah I will get better with some hope and inner power... Things I don't have or LACK

Still doing test though... Have more tomorrow early in the morning... Suppose to meet her too and show her whatever test result I've got so far... For one my stomach endoscopy was very bad for a person in my age.. I knew based on how I felt that there must be something wrong, but I never thought it would be to the degree the results showed

This hormone (Cortisol) has effected a lot of things in it's long term high levels... I wish I knew earlier

Don't want any more bad news from the whole sonar tomorrow.. Concerned about what the blood results will show which wont be done until maybe Sunday otherwise Monday for sure... I feel it's a long time to wait..

See!!! Don't l me I don't talk too much... I'm so frustrated and irritated these days to where I feel I can talk and complain forever

I must have swallowed a RADIO heh

may Allah be with you tomorrow and i wish that you will get better en sha Allah

See!!! Don't l me I don't talk too much... I'm so frustrated and irritated these days to where I feel I can talk and complain forever

I must have swallowed a RADIO heh

no don't talk like this

it's ok

you can say whatever you want , whenever you feel like it

if you go to the old pages here

you will see that i was always talking

because it made me feel good

miss. hope

i'm worried about you

it has been a few days sence i saw you

Don't know what to say.... I am worried..

Don't know what to think or not think about when it's all important and SICK of hospitals..

I went along with my therapist saying my parents SHOULD/Need to come, and I don't know how I agreed.. It was suppose to be the three of us them and me, but then I backed out... Now I'm getting much more stressed just because of that thinking maybe I need to go regardless of how I DON'T WANT TO AT ALL I'M DONE....., but I feel there might be misleading, misunderstanding, or not enough clarity if I am not there to speak for myself and let the therapist actually see how my father is with me...

I really don't want to go, and I had made a decision that I wasn't going already... Having second thoughts.. Don't know what to decide.. The not wanting to go, and that hate/regret for the whole idea of having them go to my therapist overcomes by far what should be done which is deal with and go..

Tired and things are getting worse... Spending lots of time in hospitals and haven't heard anything comforting to my ears.. I'm giving the illusion to myself that I'm better by taking more care of how I look to act/lie to myself that it's a wonderful perfect day and everything is fine... Theres nothing wrong right!? It's just a bad dream... My family gets puzzled though thinking I'm in a better mood. but it's just an act... clothes, hair, and make up blah blah blah are easy to use to give the illusion of better good mood

Don't feel like going or caring anymore, but if I don't care who will!!?

Tired

I should be going to the hospital AGAIN very soon now, even though I got back home by 1 AM last night alone from being in the hospital since 9 ... People may wonder why I'm alone, but what can I do that's how it is...

The day before I was out alone and something very scary I was seriously thinking I need urgent help was about to l strangers around me to call emergencey.. but than the feeling went away but I a lot more tired.aflter still puzzled about what that was terrifying.. I couldn't drive and in ing called my mom to PLEASE come to take to me to the hospital... statyed there for a while did test that weren't going to ready until later 3 hours later... My mother took me back to my car and I was suppose to try to go to a girls party and didn't the energy... Didnt buy a gift or have a clue about to wear nothing! My mother insisted I should go anyway... She said my dad wont care about rules of what time I need to be back home... It wasn't worth arriving at 9 when I needed to be home by 10.. Turns out I had no time as long as I said when I am getting ready to leave... I couldn't believe it.. My dad doesn't care if about that anymore hummm... A got back by 2 AM even though I was in a girls only birthday party in a safe environment I felt like I have committed a crime for coming back so late as if I was a bad girl.. My dad was sleeping heh with no care or worry... Couldn't believe it because he is or used to be VERY VERY VERY strict..

need 2 go