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26-07-2011, 08:55 AM | #226 |
عضـو مُـبـدع
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Laish lah
I haven't heard from you for a while now which is not like you! You are usually around and active in the forum Well,... hope all is good, and your just busy I'm actually in a good mood today.. In two days I hit the hardest I have and stayed silent in my room for all that time, was quit worried going crazy with crazy stupid dangerous thoughts/plans at the tip on my finger about to really stupidly commit as if it was truly a logical solution, but I didn't.. I got quit fearful with no trust in myself with the way I have been thinking in my moods lay which was it's worst I can EVER recall later in the day on Sunday to be exact..A sudden huge mood shit to the worser... Mostly the lack of care for whats right anymore for my good and being sick of everything including anything in relation to people... ... Strangely I also think in that little time a transformation has happened.. A totally different attitude, mmm not totally but a lot different than the before attitude .. Seeing hope AT LAST AGAIN... Hoping I don't lose this.. Want it so bad so strongly.. Don't want to lose track backwards.. The point I got to was horrible horrible horrible lifeless hopeless ,....,...etc A dead walking person who wanted nothing nothing of life, but an exit out of it instead of back to it.. Thats how I describe it If I allow myself to got back to that darkness I will be very upset, but no one to blame but me Some thoughts of that dark time still remain, and I feel they ARE a reality not be just me being negative For one, my thoughts of my family haven't changed, don't believe for a second that any of what what I'm thinking is exaggeration... It's does make me quite extremely silently angry for someone to say what I say in regards to my family is an exaggeration... I thought over it repetitively in doubt of myself maybe yes I'm wrong, and no I don't think so.. It's isn't an exaggeration... Still angry actually, but don't wish to argue... I'll just consider that one comment as an individuals personal opinion.. My angry will ware off I know, because I don't hold grudges easily towards people, by far I don't.. A person has to have done a lot or something quite huge in order for me to hold a grudge.. I think that's actually a bad thing in a way, because then in result a forgive too much and SOME not all take advantage of that.. Maybe I'm too kind.. I know I can be being a big hearted person manage to find excuses for people letting things pass and then something happens.. It's a pattern actually that's is repeating itself and has happened many times before with a significant number of people in my past.. Well, I wont worry about it, I guess allah will deal with them.. Right!? Why Should I care? Doesn't mean I want the pattern to keep on replying, but I wont worry only under certain circumstances.. You can't know what's going on in everyone's mind no matter how much you want to or try it isn't always possible.. You can build assumptions or believe of what may or just may not be, but sometimes you will just never know.. Time will simply always (most of the time) will show somehow what things are.. Wouldn't it be nice if what someone was thinking would be written on their forehead, or everything was just clear and direct with honesty... Of course a lot of people don't like that, but I think from my past I've gotten quite used to hearing direct true things to the point I'm numb to getting shocked.. I do go nuts if I have to think for myself trying to understand something ... whys and hows?? I have one particular friend who has won in blowing my mind away with what she would boldly throw at me.. I don't think I was ever that shocked in my life like the shock she gave me... She did that so many times to where I really think I've managed to create an immunity.. On this earth I guess you need to expect the unexpected the bast you can... Theres nothing more than the best you can You see I can go on and go talking from one thing to another like I'm talk deprived... I exceeded the time I had to reply because I seriously need to get things done that just can't hold like they are, therefor I have no time to look over what I wrote, so I hope I have no mistakes and everything's clear.. Sultan, I hope your ok, and that we'll hear from you soon inshallah |
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29-07-2011, 11:43 AM | #227 |
مراقب سابق
...tomorrow is a better day
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good morning miss. hope
how are you ? i hope that you are feeling good in the past view days i had some problems in my internet connection and that's why i wasn't able to be here .so, l me what's going on with you these days ? me ? my father is threatening to kick me and my brother out of the house . can you believe it Actualy i'm happey because that will be a prove against him and everyone will know the truth about him |
التعديل الأخير تم بواسطة ليش لا ; 29-07-2011 الساعة 01:27 PM
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31-07-2011, 05:27 AM | #228 | |
عضـو مُـبـدع
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اقتباس:
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02-08-2011, 02:31 PM | #229 | |
مراقب سابق
...tomorrow is a better day
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hi miss. hope , i really didn't notic your comment until now . sorry
اقتباس:
look , the problem started way back "years ago" we simply hate him because he is treating us like he owns us i'll l you one story as an example when i was 8 or 7 years old i told my father to buy me a ball to play with , but he didn't answer me then i told him again but he didn't answer me as well . then i told him please buy me a ball then he grab an iron stick "pipe" and hit me as hard as he could by that iron stick . and i was 7 years old only . i raised my hands to protect myself , the first blow hit my right hand . and now i have a permanent scar in my hand so , now i think you have an idea about what kind of a person he is . one year ago i decided that i had enough from him then we fought each other and i told him i despises him and i will never speak to him ever again . and since that day i didn't speak to him . but these days my brother is also ignoring him and this is driving him crazy : To answer your questions yes my brother is a student and we are still in the house . my mother is upset but she can't do anything because my father never listens to her |
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التعديل الأخير تم بواسطة ليش لا ; 02-08-2011 الساعة 02:36 PM
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05-08-2011, 03:17 PM | #232 | |
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اقتباس:
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05-08-2011, 05:35 PM | #233 | |||
مراقب سابق
...tomorrow is a better day
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اقتباس:
اقتباس:
اقتباس:
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05-08-2011, 06:56 PM | #234 | ||||
عضـو مُـبـدع
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اقتباس:
There is nothing good about your personality and who you are that you've gained that maybe wouldn't be in you if you didn't go through what you've been through...nothing??!! اقتباس:
I've felt that way so many countless times about my father too... I know that feeling very well.. Anger, hate, rage, dislike,...ect are the controllers those times I felt it's doesn't matter... Just want him out of my life اقتباس:
About the insane part... Learn skills to help you cope to stay sane like the way you think (CBT) or learning how to truly do relaxation frequently does help... Those are my main things, but there's more... Remember I was complaining about losing my mind so stressed and in a bad condition to where I would forget my house, streets, what I was outside for,.... etc and I wouldn't recall sometimes until after a while... Not fun... Scary.. I'm not kidding.. You both are students it's not wise to get kicked out at the time.. You need to at least come to some sort of compromise... AT LEAST A COMPROMISE... You have to.. Your almost done with university you can move out when you get a job, but not because Total strangers or to where if you ever need to face each other in the future you can't talk act calmly together without a fight... اقتباس:
What I say may very likely sound crazy or like I just don't understand, but I have the same issue.. My father is the person who has hurt me so much again and again from long long ago a selfish insensitive person cold who can just lose control with anger.. My brother is so precious to him though...I guess I'm the child by mistake that he didn't want.. Wait I was if he tried to divorce my mom while she pregnant and have nothing to do with her... ...I can never forgive him NEVER EVER... But I wont allow myself to act like him and treat him the way he treats me... I try not to I seriously... Just because he does wrong things doesn't mean I have the right to act wrong too towards... Are we mature adults or children! I don't want my hate to take over and it has, but I try to stay aware to when I'm doing that.. I want to be better than him.. If one of us doesn't try something or act right than we well lets just kill each other in a fight to death.. It isn't easy.. |
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05-08-2011, 08:14 PM | #236 |
مراقب سابق
...tomorrow is a better day
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miss. hope
i know it's not easy but i'm done trying . i'm sorry i just can't do it anymore . and i can't imagine myself doin it ? i just want to live my life with absoluy nothing to do with him . is this too much to ask for by the way , how are you in Ramadan ? i mean with fasting in this hot summer |
التعديل الأخير تم بواسطة ليش لا ; 05-08-2011 الساعة 08:17 PM
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07-08-2011, 03:37 AM | #237 |
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Kareem with effort and a true want to learn the the language you can be fluent like us
Sultan, well only you can decide and control your future... Only you can be responsible for that no one else.. I wont degrade you for you decision... It's up to you.. If you ever..ever change your mind I'll support you.. I just want to help.. I think you know too even though I may have seemed rough or insensitive or both that's not what my aim is.. I know how it can be Anyways.... About Ramadan strange you ask in relation to the heat...!! Health is the issue :( Isn't it always hot outside... Super hot more now though.. You get cooked, and don't feel any air conditioner is enough until much later do I feel the effect... I feel wheres the air :) Don't laugh, but I wish sometimes that I could fit in the freezer that way I'll cool down much much quicker when I get home from outside.. In general I get hot easily and want the air conditioner COLD a little above what could be called the average... My Mom and Dad though want it so warm while my brother and I about die No fasting and heat could be much worse if your were a laborer working outside in the heat directly... I get hot just walking from our front door to my car outside to go out... I hate the heat.. Winter is better... Winter and rain No it's ok fasting in hot weather, because it's not like your going to set outside under the sun directly... It's just a matter of walking through it from your car into places, and having good car AC... oh and good AC in the places you walk into as well... It's not the end of the world. It's not I'm thrown in the desert with NO shelter I'll survive.. HEALTH is the issue and it's making me upset... I can't fast like I would like... For health related reason.. I WILL when I think I can, BUT :( can't grantee to succeed fasting to end of time before breaking fast... Number one main issue lay I'm struggling a lot with sever pain where if I take nothing I can't even walk a short distance from point A to B.. Forget about the walking it gets really painful... If I don't I will letaraly get stuck somewhere seated until that peroid of pain going away itself in hope it goes soon or my painkiller... At home I will just lay in bed, and I always keep my medicine beside my bed with a bottle of water with something to eat in a small closed bag usually biscuits.. I can't take the painkiller unless I take the stomach meds then wait then eat the finally the painkiller... I even yesterday just bought a stronger painkiller... The other didn't always work fully sometimes, but enough to where the pain is much less to where I can ignore it if I'm busy with something and NOT walking around a lot.. Feel it more standing don't know why... I needed the stronger one because I don't want to feel disabled because of it.. I want to control it not the other way around.. It didn't only have the issue of not controlling the pain (times more then others), but worked for even less then half a day, because I would exceed the daily total dose possible in that little time as the instructed way of use for acute pain!! I didn't do that exceeding on my own... heh what about the rest of the time!? The rest of the hours of the day.. What I have things to do! Pain that is bearable during fasting it's ok..., but that not my pain is anymore... With no medication it can get out of control..it's acute.. It will stay this way until I get a surgery scheduled, but theres things that needs to be done before that.. It's not just a matter of setting a date.. I need survive and manage until that time |
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07-08-2011, 03:08 PM | #238 | |
مراقب سابق
...tomorrow is a better day
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اقتباس:
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التعديل الأخير تم بواسطة ليش لا ; 07-08-2011 الساعة 03:11 PM
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18-08-2011, 05:08 PM | #239 |
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...tomorrow is a better day
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good evening miss. hope
long time no see how are you ? i didn't see you in a while i hope you are okay and everything is working out good for you |
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الذين يشاهدون محتوى الموضوع الآن : 1 ( الأعضاء 0 والزوار 1) | |
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